The Buffalo Theory

In an episode of "Cheers," Cliff Clavin, the trivia-spouting, quirky, irksome mama's boy mailman is seated at the bar describing the buffalo theory to his buddy, Norm Peterson, the beer loving heavyweight bar stool sitting perpetual patron.

Cliff expounds his "Buffalo Theory" to Norm:

“Well, you see, Norm, it’s like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it’s the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.” 

Red Sox Hitting Streaks by Position

Thanks to my dad for finding this - good useless information!

RED SOX

Hitting Streaks

#Hits          Player                          Year                        Position

25              Dustin Pedroia             2011                            2^nd base

23              Del Pratt                     1922

22              Denny Doyle                1975

21              Bobby Doerr                1943         

23              Kevin Youkilis              2007                            1^st base

23              George Burns               1922

28              Wade Boggs                 1985                            3^rd base

25              Wade Boggs                 1987

23              Buddy Myer                 1928

20              Wade Boggs                 1986

30              Nomar Garciaparra       1997                            shortstop

26              Nomar Garciaparra       2003

26              Johnny Pesky              1947

24              Nomar Garciaparra       1998

25              Victor Martinez            2009                            catcher

27              Manny Ramirez            2006                            left field     

23              Ted Williams               1941

21              Mike Greenwell           1989

21              Jim Rice                      1980

34              Dom DiMaggio              1949                            center field

30              Tris Speaker                 1912

29              Johnny Damon             2005

27              Dom DiMaggio              1951

26              Buck Freeman              1902                            Right field

20              Ike Boone                    1925

22              Reggie Jefferson          1997                            DH      

20              Mike Easler                  1984

20              Babe Ruth                    1919                            Pitcher

Ticketmaster - A Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy Theory

The Rockies made the three game series with the Sox this year part of a 'special package'. First, season ticket holders got a crack at buying more Sox tickets. Everyone with a season ticket can buy up to four. If you have more season tickets, you can get more than four. Second, they made Sox tickets available as part of 25-game "mini"-plans. Third, they gave up some seats as part of a lottery to normal people like me that only a few hundred people got. Needless to say, they sold out all three games before any tickets were officially on sale.

Now, there are hundreds and hundreds of tickets on Stub Hub. Cheapest is $29 for a $4 deep centerfield seat. Minimum for the worst (row 87) semi-infleid seat is $100. I hate everyone. Oh - I forgot to mention that the 'service fee' for Stub Hub adds another 10% of the total ticket price PLUS $5 for eDelivery. What a crock. So Ticketmaster got the fees for selling the ticket originally, to people who were never going to use them, but simply are going back and reselling them for a profit, of which eBay, owner of StubHub, then gets another 10% plus $5 of a new, higher ticket price. (Note that Ticketmaster owns Ticketsnow, and doubledips there.)

Not a new story, but one that is so ridiculous I can't believe it. I did a b-school case at CU on this and how Pearl Jam, at the height of their fame, tried to fight Ticketmaster and lost badly in court and in practice trying to avoid them in their concert venues.

I'm going to put my great brain on this and determine how to end the need for expensive third party ticket vendors like Ticketmaster, et al. In this digital age of ticketing, they offer, at best, VERY LITTLE value and make a mint. Blah.

Back in black IV

A Red Sox fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Yankees fan he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious NY pinstripe shirt. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them.

One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"

"I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest.

"Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.

Suddenly, the driver saw a Yankees fan walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time.

Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything.

He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "Sorry Father, I almost hit that Yankees fan."

"That's OK," replied the priest "I got him with the door."

Back in black III

Four baseball fans - a Cubs fan, a Cardinals fan, a Red Sox fan, and a Yankees fan - are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.

The Cubs fan insists he is the most loyal. "This is for the Cubs!" he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.

Not to be outdone, the Cardinals fan shouts, "This is for the Cardinals!" and throws himself off the mountain.

The Red Sox fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, "This is for everyone!" and pushes the Yankees fan off the mountain.

Back in black II

A family of New York Yankee fans headed out one Saturday to shop for the youngest boy's birthday. While in the sports shop the son picks up a Red Sox jersey and says to his older sister, "I've decided to become a Red Sox fan and I would like this Boston Red Sox jersey for my birthday."

His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him upside his head and says, "Go talk to mother."

Off goes the little lad with the jersey in hand and finds his mother. "Mom?"

"Yes, son?"

"I've decided I'm going to be a Red Sox fan and I would like this jersey for my birthday."

The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head and says, "Go talk to your father!"

Off he goes with the Red Sox jersey in hand and finds his father. "Dad?"

"Yes, son?"

"I've decided I'm going to be a Red Sox fan and I would like this jersey for my birthday."

The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son in the back of his head and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"

About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home. The father turns to his son and says "Son, I hope you've learned something today?"

The son says, "Yes, Dad, I have."

"Good! And what is it you learned?"

The son replies, "I've only been a Red Sox fan for an hour and I already hate you Yankee bastards!"

Back in black

Like most bloggers, I've been unable to maintain my blog because of laziness and lack of dedication. With that said, I'm back, at least for the moment. Just want to post some good jokes so that they are out there, available to those who look REALLY, REALLY hard in cyberspace.

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On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Yankees fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Yankees fans. Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, "Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?"

"Because I'm not a Yankees fan," she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a Yankees fan, then who are you a fan of?"

"I am a Red Sox fan, and proud of it," Janie replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. "Janie, why, pray tell, are you a Red Sox fan?"

"Because my mom is a Red Sox fan, and my dad is Red Sox fan, so I'm a Red Sox fan too!"

"Well," said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a Red Sox fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom were an idiot and your dad were a moron, what would you be then?"

"Then," Janie smiled, "I'd be a Yankees fan."